Communication

Methods of communication

It has been a very long time since my last blog. There have been a number of contributing factors: The first is that I am currently running a long distance relationship with an 8 hour time difference, the second is a new role at work meaning an increase in working hours and the third is my new addiction to crossfit. However, even my new addiction is suffering at the mere 24 hours in one day and so suffice to say that my writing has taken a hit.

I was talking to Soph, my long suffering partner, about what I should write about this evening. She joked saying maybe I should write about separation anxiety, which to be fair would be a good topic. However, I am trying to keep with the themes of the book, so I will attempt to keep on track. Soph and I have spent the last four months speaking over Skype, which is a new way for us to communicate. One of the key areas of the story is communication and specifically about whether saying something out loud is necessarily a good thing.

I am sure many of you will have heard the staggering fact that up to 93% of effective communication is actually non verbal. This was just from one UCLA study, there are many other studies out there that back up similar high percentages of non verbal communication. The problem is that when you hear facts like this you revert to thinking that maybe telepathy exists and that the other person will somehow decipher your non verbal cues. I hate to break this to you; but this is not the case. I do often think it would be far easier to communicate via the method of interpretative dance, however my friends tell me quite frequently (usually when we are in public) that this is not wise.

The non verbal element of communication can give us many clues to the context of a conversation and also gives way to some of my previous posts about gut feelings. I do believe that some of our best conversations are actually those where there are no words. The lingered eye contact, the hug, the sympathetic look that shows you that you don't need to say anything at all and the other person understands. Sometimes we don't want to say anything and just have the other person know. These occasions are probably more intimate in their setting.

There is also the element of communication on what you say verbally. The structure of the sentences you form, the words you choose and how this ultimately conveys your message. This is probably the element of communication we put the most thought into, it is a tricky science as one wrong word and that is the lasting message the other person takes away. There is an art to communication and some master this better than others. There is also the aspect of selecting what to say out loud and what to keep in your head, I believe Homer Simpson once demonstrated on how not to do this:

“Well, time to go to work.” – Homer Simpson

“Little do they know, I’m ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.” – Homer’s Brain

“Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that’s the plan.” – Homer Simpson

“Heh heh heh, they don’t suspect a thing … Well, off to the plant!” – Homer’s Brain

“Then to the Duff Brewery.” – Homer Simpson

“Uh-oh, did I say that or just think it?” – Homer’s Brain

“I gotta think of a lie fast.” – Homer Simpson

“Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?” – Marge Simpson

 

I think it is important to be honest and true in communication, it enables you to form relationships based on who you are rather than who you share. It is important that people know you for you and then they can make their decision on whether you are someone they wish to have in their life. I expect the same back from the people in my life, things maybe difficult to say but it is better to get it all out in the open and then work a way through it together. If something is worth saying to a third party then it is worth saying to the person who is the subject of your conversation.

 

We also have a further dilemma with the art of communication, especially in 2014. There are so many ways to convey a message and another problem is which method to select. You can now text, email, call, write, Skype, talk face to face or send a carrier pigeon. I, personally, usually opt for Morse code otherwise it would be a waste of my badge from Girl Guides.

 

The main character of the book deals with a number of situations where she has to decide whether it is worth sharing what is her in her head with other characters. She has to decide whether it is best to be honest and read a number of non verbal cues to make these decisions. She goes through this process initially in her own head before seeking advice to decide whether to verbalise her inner most thoughts. The question is whether she makes the right decision....