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So, I was thinking about how we apply more thought to how we deal with colleagues at work and in our professional life than we do at home. You may now be thinking, ‘Corina, what are you talking about?’….. which to be fair I get a lot. However, today I was running over an outline of company culture and building blocks to ensure we each behave in a certain way. Well, it got me thinking and let me tell you the cogs were turning in my tiny brain; I thought about how at work we will train ourselves to deal with people in a respectful way but how often do we actually review our ‘personal life’ and our behaviour towards the most important people in our lives?
There are some common themes in the major organisations I have worked with, maybe this is because I select companies that I feel some sort of synergy with. The organisations I have worked for tend to have values around respecting your colleagues; having courageous conversations; being honest and trustworthy; taking pride in your work; being passionate about results and excellence in execution. How many of us apply this to real life? Not that work isn't real life, but you know what I mean.
I’m not saying we should walk around like conditioned robots…. No, because that would be weird. However, our nearest and dearest should be treated with respect, which is the first value I wanted to cover. I am talking about giving people your full attention, listening, taking on board their feedback and showing them that you are truly present. It is very important in an effective working relationship so therefore it is equally as important in personal relationships. So I was thinking (yep, I know this is getting dangerous) about people I spend time with and also about me (because I do like a bit of self-reflection), and how we play with our phones/answer our phones/text and generally not give the person we are spending time with our full attention. I am certainly not innocent here, I can be a huge ignoramus; but these pesky new smartphones, as great as they are…. Well, they’re also distracting. If we wouldn’t do it to a colleague, why would we do it to someone we care about? FYI I do care about my colleagues, but I am using this term for the purposes of this blog just to mean personal relationships. Don’t judge me.
One of the other values is the courageous conversation; what do I mean by that? If you genuinely respect someone and genuinely care for them, then you should not be afraid to have a tough conversation. This comes with a lot of courage and you should be very respectful if someone has cared enough to have an awkward conversation with you. I remember one of the most harmonious houses that I lived in, we had a hard conversation on day one where we had a house meeting which got heated but this turned out to be the best foundation for our house (I love a good pun). It meant we established a respectful relationship in our home and all went on to stay great friends because of it.
Another area is trust, which is usually closely linked to being honest. Now this is a tricky area and everyone will have a different opinion, just how honest should you be? I, personally, believe in being transparent with those I am closest to. I think this means that you form 'real' relationships based on who you are. Equally there are times where you don't share everything to protect those you care about. I think withholding the truth should be a very difficult decision because ultimately you are usually doing this to protect those you love. You live with these decisions and it should be based on protection rather than being malicious.
Then we have excellence in execution…. Well that’s about actually doing all of the above. It’s all well and good saying that you are those things and telling other people that’s what you expect; but do you actually live and breathe these things? Are you one of life’s ‘apologisers’? If so, do you ever stop and reflect to make sure you are not saying sorry about the same thing over and over again? I’m not talking about being considerate and saying sorry for a basic error like spilling the milk. I’m talking about apologising for a behaviour which upsets or hurts someone else. If you say you are going to do something, do it.
I guess if you are someone who takes pride in being a good person and cares about those they love, then some of these things will flow naturally into your life. I am not saying you are a bad person if you slip up and make mistakes in how you deal with people. We all do this; the question is how you deal with these mistakes? This comes back to having tough conversations and being honest. It’s like a tidy little circle.
I am certainly not standing on a box claiming to be perfect (normally I am jumping over one or on one and being told to get immediately back off it. Pesky box jumps). I don’t think anyone can ever claim they are squeaky clean and you know what; there are also times where you have to tell little white lies to protect people and you might avoid having a tough conversation. This comes down to your judgement of a situation and whether you can deal with the consequences of your decisions. Gosh, sometimes I can be so deep (where did 'gosh' come from? Oh hello early 1900's).
For me, it’s all about self-reflection and trying to be a good person. What is the reason to try and be a good person? Well, surely you aim to be a good person for the people you love because our world goes round based on the people in our lives and the memories we make together. Now that may make you want to stick your fingers down your throat and induce vomit, but for me that’s what life is about. You make a mark through making good memories both in your own mind and other peoples. That is a sign you are truly alive: because even after you are gone, you are still alive in other peoples memories and smiles.
How does this link to the book? Well, I believe through our late teens and early twenties we make mistakes which lead to figuring out who we are; who we want to keep in our lives and the values we live by. I guess you’ll have to read the book to find out what I am rambling on about (ultimately this is why I am blogging). Yes, ok that was a shameless plug..... but please read my book…. when I finish it.
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