I'm coming out

“I’m coming out… I want the world to knoooowwwww”  – although Diana Ross tried to make it hip and fun, most people remember their experience of ‘coming out’ as pure heartache.  Some never do it at all. Now, if you’ve not done it or been through it, you’re probably wondering what all the fuss is about. You may even think that in this day and age you shouldn’t worry about it at all. The problem is that coming out doesn’t just happen once: It happens every time you change a job, enter a new social situation and most trips to the doctor.

Doctor: “Now, is there any chance you can be pregnant?”

Me: “No.”

Doctor: “Oh, are you on the contraceptive pill?”

Me: “No.”

Doctor: *Furrows brow*“Are you having unprotected sex?”

Me: “Yes.”

Doctor: *Raises eyebrows and goes to say something*

Me: “Let me clear this right up, I sleep with women. Last time I checked, my girlfriend was firing blanks. There is no way I can be pregnant.”

The story in my book is essentially a coming of age tale. It aims to demonstrate the heartache that can be caused due to society’s views of homosexuality and how they can impact people’s relationships.  You can never prepare yourself for someone’s reaction to your emancipation from ‘the closet’ and, happily, in my experience, 90% of the time it is nothing to worry about.  Unfortunately, on occasion, you do get people who think it is socially acceptable to ask the most personal questions within approximately 24.3 seconds of meeting you. These questions normally relate to your sex life or your relationship dynamics, even though I am pretty sure, but correct me if I’m wrong, that if you’re heterosexual and in a relationship, an early question from a stranger does not tend to be, “So what position do you predominantly do it in?”

On a more serious note, there are some people who choose not to come out at all. I completely, wholeheartedly think this is the way forward: You’re either single or in a relationship. This should be a very simple fact with no bearing on who a person is. My only interest in other people’s lives is that they’re happy, whether that’s on their own, with another person or with 23 other people… As long as they’re happy and not hurting anyone else, then it’s the only thing I need to concern myself with.

I did choose to ‘come out’. I chose to tell my nearest and dearest and I chose to put a label on myself. Those were the only choices I made in the process: I did not choose to fall in love with a woman. I did not choose who that person was. It just happened. It was natural and there was no fighting it. The moment it happened, something in my head clicked and I was like… “Ahhhh, I get it now!”

I’m lucky I had such supportive friends and family around me and that I live in a country and era where sharing your sexuality is getting much easier as time progresses, and where a lot of the time no one bats an eyelid. It’s a psychological fact that we have a hierarchy of needs and one of those needs is love. Love ensures we become well-rounded and happy individuals, but there are still countries in the world today that take away that fundamental human need to be with the person you love by making it a crime. Man, woman, gay, bisexual or straight: Does it really matter?