It's time to get a bit deep and meaningful......

A couple of quotes to assist with this weeks blog

It’s hard not to get philosophical when writing, after all you are usually writing a story you hope will entertain but will also to provoke thought. I think it’s important to stimulate healthy debate and get people thinking about life in a way that they may not have previously considered. I have been thinking about the purpose of my blogs, which ultimately are here to encourage a curiosity of my book. I want my blogs to be thought provoking, as that is also what I want my book to be but in a story telling kind of way!

I am lucky to live in the country I currently reside, as not every country is living in what I perceive as a modern era. A large percentage of the world’s population live in dictatorships where the mere thought of a society being ‘curious’ petrifies its government. This quote is from 1593, an awfully long time ago I am sure you will agree:

“Curiosity is the unbridled desire of those who seek to know more than they should.” – Cesare Ripa

As I stated this quote from 1593, I like to think we have progressed a lot since then, it is staggering to think that there are still places on this globe that think this way. There are governments who are scared by their populations thirst for knowledge and are angered by the audacity of anyone that would question their rule. I am not questioning that we do need rules to ensure there isn’t complete anarchy but there are some rules that oppress and have no real purpose other than control. It is now 2014, 421 years later (that is right, I can do maths) - so why is it in 421 years those societies have not progressed in their thinking and yet others have?

The photo above are quotes that were written for me by my close friend/chief book reader and sister from another mister, Lisa. I have gone away and read around these quotes because they relate to journeys of the central character. The first quote I really like and it is taken from a book on philosophy. This is for the purpose of those that may struggle to read the scribble above:
 

“If wonder and curiosity are human attributes, so too are the thrill of exploration and the joy of discovery” – Will Buckingham et al (The Philosophy Book)

I believe through wonder and curiosity we develop who we are. We learn more about the world, other people and our surroundings. It truly is the thrill of life and in fact of living, I believe this makes you truly alive. I hope my book takes the wonder and curiosity of the protagonist, to then take the reader on the journey of exploration and discovery. I hope that you get sucked in to want to know more and want to keep turning pages. I also think that exploration and discovery reflect bravery and set the direction of our own personal journeys. 

The last quote is probably the one I have mulled over the most. Again, I have saved your eyes and saved you scrolling back up the page by writing it below:

“Scepticism is the first step towards truth” – Denis Diderot

Do you accept what you see? Do you accept what you are told? Do you ask more questions? Do you probe further to find out the truth? Are you too scared to ask questions? If you take everything at face value, then you will believe it is the truth, but is it really?

Am I now just really messing with your head? I think I am confused again. Where was I? Where am I?

I tend to avoid asking a lot of questions, mainly down to self doubt and a fear of what the truth actually is. I tried to make the main character a lot braver than I actually am, I tried to make her someone I would want to be. Technically, what is there to be scared of by finding out the truth? Why could the truth be so scary? Sometimes the truth is the best thing that could ever happen to you. You could retort that it can also be the worst - I disagree - you heal, you move on, you get stronger and you become a better person. This naturally equates to the best thing that ever happened to you in that circumstance. I can even think of more tragic examples, but by knowing the truth, however devastating you can put in place a plan to overcome, to prevent or to accept.

Is denial necessarily a good place to be? Am I now completely wrecking your head? My head hurts so I will stop this toddler onslaught of why's! I will leave you with this one thought:

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them" - Galileo Galilei

 

Self doubt....

I do like to share good music. So before I get into this weeks blog, I want to make sure I share a song that has been on repeat since February. There are songs I like musically or lyrically and this song has the beauty of appealing on both levels. It's a song called Southern Sun by a group called Boy and Bear. Anyway, I am rambling when really I should get on with the blog: There is a purpose behind utilising this song in my introduction and it is the opening lines:

In all you've seen
Was it that came down on me that night
A conjuring, I held on to that moment and lie
Just to make it alive

I've been struggling this week; predominantly I have had writers block, I am having a week where I keep reading the last section I have written and then thinking 'this is no good, nobody is going to want to read it and really the only person this story matters to is me.' I am going through a phase of self doubt; which is pretty frustrating when you have written just over 80,000 words, and suddenly all those hours of writing seem to be a bit pointless.

My friend Tilly eloquently said that writing is a very personal thing to share and that you are very brave if you embark on that journey. I have made the realisation that I have laid out my ideas for other people to read, I am starting to get a little paranoid that one day people will read my book and judge me. Although the book is fiction, you do share emotions and you tap into your own memory in an attempt to access your senses and how things felt. Although writing is creative, you take a seed of experience and let it grow into something you hope others enjoy and relate to.

The opening line to this song always makes me think of the conjuring of an idea, taking some moments and then breathing life into it. I was hoping to write something that takes the reader on a journey and that they can relate to parts of the story. So my writing process is very much to think about the people reading the story and whether they will like it.

I like real situations and I like real stories based around people that bare all and really put themselves out there for great reward. Living and loving is about risk, you can live safely and have a good life or you can take risks and reap great rewards. My writers block and self doubt is coming from a place of thinking that I am not writing about something that is real. It is fiction, so it's not meant to be real but it needs to come from a place that is. My ideas were starting to feel like they were based upon false sensory information and didn't feel as powerful or as poignant as they once did.

This was starting to get me down but today I have had a revelation (well, I wouldn't go that far but it has inspired me to blog again and also to return to editing the book). The story did feel powerful and poignant when I initially had the idea 12 years ago. The idea has kept me motivated to keep attempting to write the story over and over again during the last 12 years, so although right now it feels pointless; it is a temporary state of mind. You can't turn a good idea on and off; just like you can't turn real emotions on and off, they will continue to grow, evolve and develop. The protagonist was unable to turn her emotions off, she thought she knew how and she thought she had life all figured out but then love showed her who was the boss.

So it is time to dust off my pen and in the words of the song.... "Come on, come on I'm ready now."

How do you know?

My Grandparents with my cousin Mathew in June 1982

If you have yet to read my other blogs, they are essentially just some thoughts that have ultimately shaped the story I am currently writing. I had a concept in my head of the book I wanted to write but never really knew how I wanted the story to develop or how to even begin. I guess a series of life experiences helped to cement some of the ideas and this time around I have managed to get passed the roadblock of 200 words (that's right, I have attempted to write this several times and only made the 200 word mark). Yesterday the story hit the 77,000 word mark... I can't believe I have written 77,000 words.

Anyway, enough of my shock that I have actually physically written 77,000 words (and still going). While I was writing yesterday, there was a section where I was thinking, 'how do you know? How do you really know that you have met the one.' We've all been on dates, we've all got preconceived ideas of who we think we should fall in love with but nobody prepares you for when it finally happens or who that person ends up being. I got to thinking about both sets of my Grandparents. I have one set that are thankfully still around and living it up in their 80's, the wonderful Pat and Merve, they met in their teens and are still happily married to this day. You'll often see Merve the Swerve up the legion with Pat on his arm.

Then I have my other set of Grandparents who are sadly no longer with us, Eddie and Yvonne. I've put the picture of them above with my cousin Mathew. I bet Mathew will love the fact I have highlighted his age by specifying when the photo was taken. I was thinking about them yesterday because I always loved their story. I think you can tell from the picture above that they were always very much in love; I can imagine that they had tough years but they made it through together and always with a smile on their faces.

My Nana, Yvonne, was a dancer and at 17 she left home and toured the country with a dance troop. She was working in Morecombe in 1952 when she spotted the drummer in the big band, a young man by the name of Eddie. My Nana went over to her best friend and said "that is the man I am going to marry." My Nana was always full of such confidence in her conviction that I have no doubt she knew, but she was so confident that she said it out loud. Later on my Nana would go on to discover that on the very same day my Grandad wrote a letter to his sister Dulcie saying that he had just seen the girl he was going to marry.

My Nana would have been 17/18 at that time and yet she knew in that one meeting that Eddie was the one. Also, the bit that always gets me is that he knew too. They had barely spoken to each other but they knew. I find it amazing now I know how young they were when they met and of how certain they were of each other. It's funny in the modern age that if a 17 year old told you that they were going to marry a guy they had just met, you would think they were crazy. Yet to the day my Grandparents both passed away, they were very much in love.

I know it's very soppy but growing up I always remember them both laughing. My Nana's hearty laugh and my Grandads almost mischievous Mutley style laugher. I think that was a pretty strong sign that at their tender young ages they were right to be certain; which leads me back to my first question... How did they know? How do any of us know?

Is it science? Chemistry? Fate? I love hearing other peoples love stories, as well as physically living out my own but I particularly loved my Grandparents story. The story makes the hairs on the back of my neck go up - not that I have many, I am a lady. I love the fact that on the same day after only knowing each other for a few hours, that they had the self-belief to tell their closest confidants that, 'I have just met the person I am going to marry.'

It was hearing this story that made me think: I will write this bloody book!! I realised how many people enjoy hearing a love story and maybe the idea wasn't so bad after all. I think the majority of us will confess to having hope that we have a soul mate and that we love the stories about 'fateful' meetings. Obviously there is a lot more to the story I have written, this is just one element of it. However, I guess there is a mini battle in the main characters self-belief and self-realisation. I guess the most successful love stories stem from at least one person having confidence in what they are feeling and taking that nerve racking first step...